Cutting Fitness

Posts Tagged ‘Fat’

I received countless emails from fans requesting how to construct the PERFECT DIET by balancing macro-nutrients (protein, fat, and carbs). I usually charge $40,000 annually or £99.99 per min for my expertise, but I’ll share my knowledge exclusively on Cutting Fitness for FREE because I’m in a good mood. Anyway, before I share the PERFECT DIET, I’m going to share what led to its conception.

It all started one hour ago when I read a weight loss e-book (yes, I’m still losing the last 15-20lbs! Don’t ask why it’s gone from ’10-15lbs’ to ’15-20lbs’. Remember the following famous passage: Thou shalt not be nosy by prying into other people’s business when it’s got nothing to do with you. You’re not perfect, so stop being so judgmental!). BACK ON TOPIC: The diet book’s author said a high protein, high fat, low carb diet is the perfect macro-nutrient ratio for weight loss.

“Great! You mean like Atkins, right?” I thought. “I’ll cut out bread, rice, vegetables, and fruit…but I’ll miss those tasty pancakes!”

Simple: HIGH protein, HIGH fat, LOW carb

There you have it! The Perfect….WAIT A MINUTE!

Another diet book said too much protein is bad for you. It causes a build up of ketones, which causes bad breath, body odour, etc. Also, carbs give you energy – your brain loves them! – so reduce protein instead. Eating lots of carbs means you’ll have the energy to exercise (Yippee…). Lose the fat too! Does overeating fat to lose fat sound logical? Exactly.

Simple: LOW protein,  LOW fat, HIGH carb

Easy peasy! Now you know….HOLD IT, SISTER!

Atkins and Ketogenic Diets show that even though carbs are evil, going low carb causes fast weight loss. Why lose 1 pound a week when you could lose 5? Low carb diets cause fast results because carbs hold onto water from food, water (Duh!), salt/sodium, etc. Eat less carbs to lower your ‘water weight’. Who cares if the 5 pounds lost aren’t all fat? Hopefully at least 1 pound is!

Simple: LOW protein, LOW fat, LOW carb

Are we done yet? NOT SO FAST, CHICO!

If you want to build some nice toned muscles, you’ll need lots of protein. The protein repairs and builds the muscles so they’re stronger and sexier than ever before. Go too low on protein and your muscles will be non-existent and your body will use any extra calories eaten, for muscle gain, to make fat instead. One more thing: you’ll need extra fat too. Some discover eating extra protein doesn’t work half as well without extra fat! The good news? Eating more fat keeps you fuller for longer, so you won’t stuff your face like a pig anymore. Yes, you probably will.

Simple: HIGH protein, HIGH fat, LOW carb

Um…do you see our little problem? We’ve gone back to square one! See how misinformed other ‘professionals’ are? They can’t agree on something so simple. High this and low that turns into low this and high that overnight! At least now you’ve got me to reveal the right path.

So, the question is this: In the PERFECT DIET, should you eat high/low protein, fat or carbs?

I could have said the best option is to eat all three in moderation. Eat whatever you feel like on the day. Do your thing. Go with the flow, my brother. As long as the ratio of protein, fat, and carbs is moderate, you’ve got nothing to fear. Going to extremes in anything is generally a bad idea. Your body loves protein, fat, and carbs, so you should love them all too! If you prefer extreme high/low ratios for whatever reason, e.g. you’ve got an allergy or illness extreme ratios could ease or eradicate, then experiment and stick with dietary ratios suitable for YOU, not me or someone less beautiful. Just be careful, all right?

But I won’t say that garbage! It was too boring and quite long winded!

“So,” you ask again, “should I eat high/low protein, fat or carbs? What’s the PERFECT DIET?”

“Well, my child,” I say. “If you read this blog PROPERLY then you’d see I don’t know! I’m as confused as you are. Stop pestering me for so much information, all right? Just leave me alone for a few days. I need to meditate…”

“But at the start you promised to share your knowledge!” you hiss. “Did you lie, Zahra? Did you waste my time for no friggin’ reason?”

“Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t,” I say, backing away slowly. “Speaking of this blog’s introduction, I also wrote I charge $40,000 annually for my expertise, so pay up!”

We know each other well enough for me to share part of my weight loss story. I’ll start and end at the beginning. As you know, I’ve lost almost 80lbs and have 10-15lbs to go, depending on whether I want a string bikini or not. Meow!

Back on topic! One day I overhead someone call me fat, which started a brief argument. I don’t remember it word for word – it was almost five years ago – but it went something like this.

“I’m not fat!”

“Yes, you are.”

“No, I’m big boned.”

“No. You are fat.”

“No, I’m chubby.”

“‘Chubby’ is another word for ‘Fat’.”

“It’s baby fat!”

“Baby fat? You haven’t been a baby for 16yrs!”

By the way, this argument was between Zahra and me. Yes, I was arguing with myself. No, I don’t need to be committed. No, I don’t have to explain why I sometimes refer to myself as ‘You’. My therapist and counsellor say it’s perfectly normal. Moving SWIFTLY along…

It got me thinking. How can you tell when someone is fat? More importantly, how can you tell when you are fat?

Due to popular demand, I devised this test for everyone who wants to know whether they are fat. I know the media has its own idea of who is fat or not, but here is mine. Feel free to add yours in the comments section. Or not.

Answer the following questions truthfully. If you lie, you’re not telling the truth.

1. Do your thighs rub together?

2. Are your upper arms saggy?

3. Does your stomach stick out further than your butt?

4. Do you have fat rolls?

5. Do you want to lose weight?

6. Are you fat/big/overweight/obese/chubby/chunky/baby fat?

If you answered yes to any or all of those questions, you’re not fat.

Your thighs rub together because your skirt is too tight. Stop being such a tease and loosen up.

Your arms sag because the muscle pushes the skin down and shakes it around when you wave. That’s not fat jiggling, that’s skin, blood vessels, etc.

Your stomach sticks out further than your butt because you’re pregnant. (This only applies to females!)

Those aren’t fat rolls they’re…Um…

You only want to lose weight because of ‘The Man’, the media, and the fashion industry. They want everyone to starve, so don’t give in! Eat, girlfriend, eat!

Basically, you’re not fat. You’re not skinny, slim or ‘thick’ either, but you’re definitely not fat.

Are you?

Note: Please, Beyonce, stop calling me! I won’t be your fitness trainer anymore. I’ve given you an amazing body, now please leave me be! Hire someone else. You earn $80 million a year and still don’t pay me enough!

Second note: Seriously, though, Beyonce doesn’t call me. She emails instead via the contact page. Really. It’s true. Don’t H.A.T.E. Anyone know how to block her IP address? Somebody? Anybody?

Last note: All my Single Ladies! Put your hands up!