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It’s Good to be Selfish at the Gym!

I was surfing the internet, like you are now, when I found the Daily Press’s article on supposed ‘gym etiquette’. Read it and you’ll see what terrible advice it is.

“What’s wrong with their advice?” you ask.

“Everything,” I say.

Why on earth should there be ‘gym etiquette’. It’s not like you’ll bump into the Queen of England on the treadmill. No need to be prim and proper when you’re sweating buckets on the rowing boat machine, or doing the upside dog in the Bikram Yoga room.

“So how should I act at the gym?” you ask.

“Enough questions,” I say. “But since you asked…and took the time to post a comment (if the CEO of Sparkpeople could do it, surely you’ve got time). I’ll help.”

Here are four ways to be selfish, disgusting, etc at the gym. Feel free to share this information with your friends (Yes, both of them).

Be Messy

Every business has cleaners, so why should paying customers clean up after themselves? Let the gym take care of that! If a bin isn’t within arm’s reach, drop your litter on the floor. If wiping your sweat off the yoga mat takes too much effort, save your energy for your next workout. If you want to spit in the water foundation, go ahead. The water will wash it away.

Be a Gym Hog

When there’s a long queue at the gym, make sure you’re the one on the machine. If you want to run on the treadmill for three hours, nothing’s stopping you but you. If you want to use the elliptical to stretch, even though someone wants to exercise on it (why would they want to do that?) then stretch away. If they’ve got time to join a gym then they’ve got time to wait.gym silhouette

Be Loud

The last gym I joined had music playing on the loud speakers. If the gym can make lots of noise then surely paying customers can do the same, right?

Blast your ipod, dance around the gym with workout buddies, and let your wild side loose. Sing, shout, scream, and do whatever you please because you’ve paid your money. If anyone doesn’t like it, tough! You’ve got do what works for you, not someone else. If you need to roar like a woman in labour when you lift weights, ROAR, and lift, ROAR, and lift! Just remember how unimportant it is to breathe when you exert yourself.

Be Unhygienic

You’re supposed to sweat at the gym, right? I guess so, if you want to work ‘hard’. Anyway, usually sweat smells (Mine doesn’t, yours does). If you’re going to end up smelling when you’re done working out, what’s the point in washing before you hit the gym?

Don’t waste time brushing your teeth or taking a shower before you get fit. If you’re a morning exerciser, roll out of bed and straight on to the treadmill. Yes, you’ll be huffing and puffing so much that your morning breath will clear the gym, but then no more queues for the popular exercise machines!

Even better, don’t wash or use deodorant after your workout either. Smelling of fitness sweat during your everyday life shows how dedicated you are. Your body odour will inspire others to find a gym too, or at least back off so you get more personal space.

I know being selfish isn’t the obvious way to act at the gym, but think about it. At least try it! You paid A LOT of money to the use the gym, so act however you like. Yes, everyone else paid their money too, but what’s that got to do with you and me? You pay for your house, and act the way you want in it. You pay for your car, and act the way you want in it. You pay for the your gym, and?

Spread the word! It’s GOOD to be Selfish at the Gym!


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