Free Your Inner Animal! Animal Fitness Exclusive!

Free Your Inner Animal! Animal Fitness Exclusive!

Animal Fitness Exclusive!

With paleo and primal fitness taking the world by storm,  I decided to cash in delve into this topic. In short, paleo and primal fitness involves going back to our roots. Not our parents or grandparents, but cavemen and prehistoric ancestors. Paleo and primal living means you eat and exercise freely, not obsessively, and cut down, or out, certain foods like grains and carbs. In contrast with most fitness programs, paleo and primal living are the ultimate freedom…

Okay, enough with that nonsense. Let’s get down to business!

If you’re going back to your roots, go ALL THE WAY! The cavemen and gals weren’t here first. Animals were. How many unfit dinosaurs were there? Exactly! Obviously animals know how to keep slim and trim, but which animal sets the best example? Cheetahs? Horses? Dogs? Don’t be silly! The obvious choices are…


1. SLOTHS: Slow as a Sloth!

Animal Fitness‘s exercise routine is simple because there isn’t one. No fitness charts for the next 60 days. No reps, sets, and exercises to memorise. No getting out of breath. No getting sweaty. Anyone can do this because there is only ONE, easy rule: Slow down.

To follow the way of the sloth, move slowly so you’ve got time to absorb your surroundings. Sloths move as fast as 2 metres per minute. In today’s fast paced world, it’s nice to have time to enjoy just being. Don’t move too quickly or you’ll burn lots of calories and end up with a hot, sexy body that’s perfect for the beach. We don’t want that! Move slower to lower your metabolism. A sluggish metabolism makes it harder to lose weight. This is brilliant for everyone who wants lose weight! Keep fighting!

2. ELEPHANTS: Eat like an Elephant!

Animal Fitness‘s nutrition is easy and enjoyable. There’s no low carb, low protein, low fat, low calorie, etc plans to follow. You won’t cut out meat, grains, fruit, food, etc. You won’t have to be non-alcoholic. Every animal does Intuitive Eating like this, not calorie counting or portion watching. Eat and drink to your heart’s desire like your pets do!

To follow the way of the elephant, elephants eat 300kg (approx 600lbs) a day. No more turning down tasty food or drinks. Eat, eat, and drink. It feels great when food in your stomach weighs more than you! My body weighs 135lbs right now, but stepping on the scale to see 700lbs+ always makes me smile. Last week the scale broke when I stepped on…Anyway, with my sloth-like metabolism, it’ll take a week for food to make it through my digestive system. Brilliant backlog!


3. CHAMELEONS: Commit like a Chameleon!

The so-called experts say we should commit to ONE routine for 4-6 weeks while it works it’s magic. What’s the alternative? Do a new workout every session, but eventually that gets boring too. What’s the right alternative? Animal Fitness! It takes a varied healthy lifestyle to a whole new level.

Chameleons blend with their surroundings. That’s the Animal Fitness way! If someone is jogging down the street, start jogging too. If someone is binge eating, stuff your face too. If someone is regaining, get fat again too. Make sure that you don’t stand out! Individuals do whatever it takes to get fit. They’re the ones with a six pack and gorgeous figure. Screw them! Why hit the gym with hot abs when you can be fat and unhappy with friends? Aw, good times…

So the next time you hear that Paleo nonsense or get the urge to Grok on Primal style, stick your fingers in your ears and run…slowly like a sloth. When you get home, eat everything in the kitchen like an elephant would. If you run out of food, binge at the supermarket instead. Don’t exercise unless others are – remember, chameleons aren’t individuals – and don’t go overboard or you’ll burn off the 600lbs of food!



Photo: Image courtesy of 825545/pixabay.com.

One thought on “Free Your Inner Animal! Animal Fitness Exclusive!

  1. Very clever post. So many things are definitely not good for us!

Comments are closed.

Comments are closed.